So, it is probably best if this blog post starts with a #not all. Not all mothers or fathers exhibit these behaviours, but most do… and with that out of the way: On with the show!
Christmas time is wonderful. Bright lights, good food, familiar songs, family, friends, and cheer. Along with headaches, stomach aches, more headaches, family stress, financial stress, and generally… stress. And that is just for the adults! Children have to survive the sugar highs, sugar crashes, and all the shiny and tasty new ways to make themselves sick or injured.
Mothers, how often has this thought crossed your mind: “Why would he let the kids do that!?! Doesn’t he know they could get hurt?!?”
Fathers, how often has this thought crossed your mind: “Why is she wrapping them in cotton wool?!? Doesn’t she know that kids need to take risks!?!”
Well… If you have not, then this blog post is not for you.
Still here? Great!
So the answer: “Because the children’s safety is very important”, and “Of course”! And yes, those are the same answers to both mothers’ and fathers’ questions.
Here is why:
Mothers (remember #not all) have a desire to see their children safe now. This means stopping threats to the children as they happen. Positive side: The children are safe now. Negative side: The children do not learn independent judgement on hazards, and mothers are run ragged as their little darlings think of ever more creative ways of hurting themselves.
Fathers (again… #not all) have a desire to see their children safe forever. This means letting the children learn hazards on their own, in a supervised environment. Positive side: The children learn to appreciate hazards independent of someone else. Negative side: Often, children learn by hurting themselves, which causes fathers to doubt their worth as parents.
So, who is right? Well, I’ll give you a hint: It is not the mother or the father.
That’s right: Both parents, working together, have the best chance of bringing up a child safely now and forever.
So here’s the rub. If mothers and fathers approach child safety differently, then how do we all make this work?
The answer is both simple and difficult: talk to your spouse. Sounds easy, but it is probably the most difficult thing couples do on a daily basis. The key is to approach the situation in a way that is most likely to be heard by the other parent. That means: No blaming, no shaming, and no gaming. Instead try focusing on the specific thing that bothers you, how you perceive things, and ask to find a mutual solution. Something like this:
“[Spouse], I heard you tell our child not to touch the scissors. Then, when our child went for the scissors anyway, I saw you pick up our child out of the room. I am concerned that our child is not learning how dangerous scissors can be. What do you think we could do to safely show our child that scissors need to be treated with respect?”
Sound corny, I know. But it works most of the time!
If you are still having troubles, or would like to know more, please feel free to contact us.
Merry Christmas