Beyond the stigma surrounding mental health concerns lies the further stigmatised world of addiction.
For those with addictions, whether it be alcohol, drugs, or gambling, it is extremely common to feel blamed and shamed for the addiction.
For those with a loved one with addictions, it is extremely common to both feel blamed and shamed, and to blame and shame that family-member.
It is all too common for those living with addiction, whether directly themselves or indirectly through loved ones, to lose a sense of themselves as a person. They become their or their loved one’s addiction.
This is tragic for a number of reasons, but mostly because it is generally due to a lack of understanding about the disease process.
It is often that the following, or something similar, is heard: “Why can’t you just use your willpower and get over it?!?” or “What? Aren’t you strong enough to give it up?”
Unfortunately for everyone involved, this is not how addictions works at all!
It is useful to think of the brain as being the hardware (physical wiring), and the mind as being the software (programming) of the human being. All basic and unconscious things we do every moment of every day are controlled by the hardware (the brain). All conscious things we do every moment of every day are controlled by the software (the mind). While addiction does affect the mind, it is a brain disease. That is to say, addiction is not because of faulty programming, it is because of faulty wiring.
Because of this, addiction is a chronic disease. There is no cure, there is only maintenance. Treating addictions is a long, and often painful process, both for the person with addiction, and for their loved ones. Sometimes the most painful thing is that, after all the hard work of treating the addiction, the relationships between the person with addiction and their loved ones is very different than before treatment.
But there is hope, and there is a very good chance that the person with addiction and their loved ones can forge healthier and stronger relationships.
If you have any concerns or questions about this or any other couples-related issue, please feel free to contact us!
